Relations With Marsupials Differ From Mammals

Relations With Marsupials Differ From Mammals

Doing it with a mammal - piece of cake

Banging a mammal – pretty simple stuff, right?  Not so with their Australian brethren, the marsupial. 

Take some of the following advice I received in an email from my pal, Joey (as translated by me from Complex Australian).

One must use caution when doing it with a marsupial.  I know you may be tempted at times to have at a wombat or a cute little koala, but a wombat is a vicious little bastard and even if you do manage to achieve penetration its posterior is made up mostly of cartilage, so the very possible occurrence of losing your manhood to the creature’s vice-grip clacker cannot be underestimated.

And while it is true that the koala is cute and sexually provocative and the scent of eucalyptus leaves on their breath and in their stool is a siren song to the lusty blokes of outback sheep stations, it is not a bear, as some think, at least not the North American bears you are used to fucking.  

If you've got a hankering for kangaroo tang, here’s some first-hand info that will save you a lot a time and pain: Surprisingly, they’re fierce as hell and protect their double-vaginas the way an apostate from Hell protects the Ant-Christ, so you’re better off going after a wallaby which looks enough like a kangaroo to satisfy your sexual appetite, yet are small enough to wrest to the ground without a lot of exertion on your part.  You may also want to try a wallaroo to satisfy your thirst for macropod pussy, as they, too, look very much like a kangaroo, yet are smaller and therefore more manageable.

As with any marsupial, the importance of foreplay cannot be over-emphasized

And speaking of that marsupial double vagina, avoid it at all costs.  They are guarded on either side by two red-cheeked dunnarts that climb up in there at a very early age and live out their lives within the womb of the kangaroo and wallaby alike, and only speak when spoken to. The problem is, one always lies and one always tells the truth and I never could figure out that riddle so your best bet is to avoid the vaginas totally and take the animal in the cloaca as any Aussie worth his damper already knows. And of course it goes without saying, the importance of foreplay with marsupials cannot be over emphasized.

And lastly, this final word of advice: Your best chance to have a naughty with a marsupial without a great struggle and expense of energy is to pounce on the animal about 30 minutes before sparrow fart.  That’s fair dinkum, so don’t chuck a wobbly, mate.  Get yourself full up to dolly’s wax with a brekkie of rasher and cackle berries beforehand, crack a fat and everything will be Sir Garnet, ya bludger.  Do as I say, me cobber, and she’ll be apples. You’ll be waltzing matilda in that hot cloaca and then Bob’s your uncle you’ll be done and back at the billabong before arvo.  Ridgy-didge!