Saturday, July 19, 2014

Craigslist personal ad response, #1

Craigslist Personal Ad Response to Pretentious Bitch, #1 in a series

I sometimes peruse the Craigslist-personal-ads (Women-Seeking-Men) looking for something obnoxious in order to exercise my smart-ass muscles. Here is a recent verbatim posting followed by my response beneath it:


Reclusive debutante seeks squire - w4m – 42

I am an attorney with my own practice. I have a public, political family but I value my privacy. So I don't get out much. I much prefer going to Leadbetters than to Inaugral Balls. Also, being single, it is very hard to go to events without an escort. So I am looking for a friend who would be interested in going to some of these things that are comming up..My Lady's Manor..Grand National, some gala for a disease in May etc.

You gotta like this stuff. You have to be able to schmooze with rich people, eat with the right fork, have manners, the right clothes, etc. All of which really kinda sucks, that's why I don't like to do it. But my business depends on it. I need to network cause I am raising dough for the USO and Cheasapeake Habitat for Humanity.

Even though I went to the best schools US dollars can buy, drank-with-Clinton (he did not hit on me), I am very down to earth, authentic. I am not impressed by money and can spot a bullshit artist a mile a way. I am also charming and charismatic (when needed) funny, and smart. If you need a reference, ask Fons at Leadbetters.


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(My smart-ass response) --

In response to your message posted on craigslist, allow me to make a few minor spelling corrections for the attorney who went to the best schools US dollars can buy:

Inaugral = Inaugural

comming = coming

Cheasapeake = Chesapeake

schmooze = kiss ass in order to gain an advantage or make a connection that will ultimately remove money from one party's bank account and transfer it to another's.

And what's all this about eating with the "right fork"?  Who the hell uses a fork at an Inaugural Ball? The last Inaugural Ball I attended where a fork was used was for Baltimore County's Seventh District Councilman John Olszewski at the Battle Grove Democratic Club in Dundalk and the fork was used to stab a rat that was hiding in the string bean casserole.

Oh yeah, and I checked with Fons and he said he never heard of you.

So, what disease in May are we attending a gala for and is it contagious?


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