Side Effects

Side Effects

Are you experiencing hyperactive sleepiness? Inability to urinate and frequent incontinence? Loss of appetite and ravenous food consumption?  Are you often tired when waking, feel the need to shower more than once a week or find yourself constantly sitting, walking, driving or sleeping?  Do you without fail hit the snooze button and fall right back to sleep every single morning of your pathetic little life?

If you have displayed any of the symptoms listed above at any time over the past 10 years, ask your doctor about Syfexol.

As with many future lawsuit medications, Syfexol is not without its charming side effects, which more than likely will include a dozen or so of the following:

Anal seepage, oily discharge, greenish urine outbreaks, ashy asshole, temporary tooth loss, golf ball ankle protrusions, wile bowels, mud butt, failure to illuminate, eye boogers, involuntary colon cleansing, visible intestinal polyps, canine feces consumption, retroactive fetal alcohol syndrome, inverted urethra, scalp flames, labia manure, intermittent death, ear farts, complete collapse of civilization, reverse Benjamin Button disease, strawberry-flavored sphincter, genital exhaustion, toe jam football, joo-joo eyeball, uneven tire wear, projectile vomiting, projectile bleeding, racial intolerance, tennis ball-sized hematomas, hematoma-sized tennis ball balls, clogged hemorrhoids, redundancy, redundancy, extended nasal menstruation, low resale value on your home and the flying shits.

Do not consume alcohol while taking this product. Also avoid red meat, seafood, vegetables, dairy products, fruit, bread and food.  Do not drive while taking Syfexol unless you have a close relative who is a judge or lawyer or is an expert witness intimidator.  If you experience chest pains, shortness of breath, debilitating leg cramps and explosive diarrhea, double the dosage. Has been known to induce unexplained erections in unborn males. Do not operate machinery while taking Syfexol as additional side effects may also include unwanted limb loss, paraplegia (not the good kind), minor decapitation and regrettable Twitter activity.

You may experience an overwhelming sense of impending doom; this is because you are about to die. If you can actually watch hair growing from your nostrils and ears, contact America’s Funniest Home Videos. If the hair is only coming from your nostrils and not your ears, then just post it to YouTube.  You may feel the powerful urge to invite a friend over to reenact the “Psycho” shower scene.  IMPORTANT: Be sure to play the Anthony Perkins part. This drug may bring about the penchant to reply to every coworker’s request with the phrase, “You want fries with that?” If an intense smell of methane gas emanates from every bodily orifice, avoid standing near any open flames or electrical sparks and move to a large well-ventilated area, such as the Mojave Desert.  You should resist all urges to change your anatomic sex no matter how sharp that butter knife is. In case of suicidal thoughts, contact your physician. In case of suicidal success, contact your next of kin.

This product is gluten free; however it may contain eleven or more of the following: rope fibers, beetle dung, eel skin, liquid rock salt, mucus membrane extract, bits of undigested rubber, Bunker mold, canine anal gland expression, unfiltered canary juice, Balsamic urine, nizzle penizzle, rodent moisture, nasal byproducts, oyster residue, unchewed toilet paper and snotty pancake mist.